i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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