Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
