Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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