Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
