We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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