if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
