It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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