Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
