If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize