I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
