just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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