I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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