I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
