After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
