I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
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