There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
