I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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