this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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