Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
