Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
