I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
