just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
