you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize