Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
