her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
