My nipple is on Facebook.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
