I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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