I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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