My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
