Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize