I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
