On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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