Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
