and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
