Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
