it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I got inside last night via doggy door
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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