The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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