he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
