I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
