Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
