alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
