We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
