i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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