AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
