Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
