He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
