the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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