It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize