my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
