There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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