Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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