The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
