you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
