Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
