so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
