A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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