god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
