Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
