I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
why do cheetos always look like penises
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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