oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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