He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
