Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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