he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
