Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
