did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
