Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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