i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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