True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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