Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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