The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
