Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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