I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
We need to rekindle our bromance
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
