And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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