Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Randomize
