it was like his penis was on wheels.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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