The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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