The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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