i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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