don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
