I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
