besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
