Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
