Someone shit on the floor
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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