You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
