I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
