ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
